To my wife and me the practices of living responsibly and paying it forward were intertwined. One practice was not possible without the other. Responsible living was the foundation for serving the other. For mentoring or paying it forward.
We can choose to be happy. I have chosen to be as happy as possible while serving as a caregiver for a wife with Alzheimer’s. But that happiness is not to be achieved at her expense, shunted away or forgotten while I pursue other diversions.
One of the first actions I took as an Alzheimer’s caregiver was to reach out to AARP. I made an intentional effort to meet and become friends with my neighbors, joined a small and supportive church, and continued professional affiliations as much as possible.
Fear of death is wired into our psyches because, like loneliness, it is a survival mechanism. Being part of the herd protects us from the tiger. Fearing pain and death protects us from doing something to jeopardize our lives or well-being.
It started with periods of denial for both of us, and the eventual crying while we held each other tight. Sobbing our way through the trauma. The loss of a future. The ultimate loss of the magical bond that started over 35 years ago.